10 things not to say on a first date

First date is the time that you meet a new guy, and you both checking each other with a magnifying glass. Everything you say in this date can be used against you in the trial- the trial where the decision is made- is it going to be a second date? is there a chance to this relationship?

Better be safe than sorry, here are some sentences you shouldn't say in the first date if you want another one:

1. "Sorry I'm late, I stopped to buy condoms" - this sentence is the height of audacity! It's like shitting near the neighbor's door and then screw it on the door and ask for toilet paper. 

2. "Just before we begin, you should know that I have a sensitive gut, so I'll have to go sometimes to the wc and if you smell something you know that's me" - after such a sentence you won't be able to order or eat something at the the cafe, I think you'll go to the bathroom to vomit. 

3. "Are you really going to eat all that?" - What are you implying? I'm fat? Next! 

4. "Wow, you remind me of my mother" - so why did you come? go to your mother! 

5. "I have to finish early, I still have a date after you" - OK, so let's go right now, don't waste me two hours of my life!

6. "Have you brought your purse?" - Yes, of course I brought it. Oh you dropped a coin when we crossed the highway, you probably really want to go look for it.

7. "You remind me of my ex-girlfriend" - and you remind me Osama bin Laden! 

8. "You're more fat in reality" - So let's leave our relationship virtual.

9. "Wow, this is the first time that someone agrees to go out with me, I'm so excited" - really? I feel so special and unique, actually I feel like sucker!

10. "I'm going to do a Penis Enlargement soon" - OMG, pervert! Escape!

55 Things you shouldn't say to your angry girlfriend / wife

This is like it is in a relationship - not a day goes by without she's being angry with you for whatever the reason is. The problem is that you never know what to say, and all the immediately answers only annoys her more. I can't help you get out of it but I can try to give you a list of sentences that you shouldn't say, from experience. 

1. I don't understand why you're mad. 

2. Do you know what always calms me? Sex. What do you say? 

3. Would you relax? 

4. You're just like your mother 

5. You don't look good when you scream. 

6. It can not wait to the end of the game? 

7. "but" at the beginning or the end of each sentence. 

8. For example: but I told you already. 

9. Another example: you know I love you, but... 

10. Well, do what you want... 

11. Why do you insist on anything? 

12. What do I care what your mom says? 

13. How am I supposed to remember that? 

14. Oh, but you know that's how I am!

15. Well then, we will finish it after I get back from the bar with the guys? 

16. Don't you have laundry to do?

17. It's your perios that plays in your head, let's talk next week.

18. You're ovulating, well, it's probably because of it.

19. Maybe we argue after you have finished cooking? 

20. You do'nt understand it, so why argue?

21. I suggest you wash the house first, it calms you down

22. I see football, I don't have time to talk about it now

23. I am tired, let's talk about it tomorrow.

24. Youe make me tired.

25. Okay, but why are you crying?

26. Your problem is that you think like a woman.

27. So my offer about the sex now, it is not? sure?

28. There's not really a point to talk about it at this moment in your situation.

29. You know, you liked it at the begining...

30. Hang on a Second. "Hi Jim, what's up man?"

31. I don't care what Sam thinks.

32. Sam is a slut, and frankly she's quite moron. Why do I care what she thinks?

33. Why are you so sensitive all the time?

34. Don't worry, it will be fine

35. It's not that I don't listen, it's that you're saying the same thing for half an hour!

36. This fight is going to affect our night?

37. I worked all day, I don't feel it now.

38. Why are you making a fuss over nothing?

39. My ex wasn't bothering me like this.

40. Ugh, she also was hot... 

41. Listen, this is the dumbest argument I've ever heard.

42. But you said that everything was fine before!

43. It seems that Gossip Girl starts, maybe you go to watch?

44.  So I didn't fold the laundry, but who took you to a restaurant last week?

45. Do you see the hole in the floor? You've Dug it. 

46. You're talking about an hour, and I still don't understand what you want!

47. You're missing the point

48. When you scream I hear, when you talk I listen.

49. You exaggerate 

50. You don't think rationally at the moment

51. your mom put that idea in your head?

52. My ex girlfriends got along with it just fine

53. I don't understand how can you say that after all the compromises I compromised for you

54. Well, you said it already.

55. You look sexy when you're angry.

 imagerymajestic- FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

I don't know if the list helped you, if you have something to add I'll be glad. When I think about it again, maybe everything you'll say will make her more angry, Maybe you just have to shut up.

Love advice

Three steps to make him chase you:

1. Get close to him

2. Take his wallet

3. Run!!!

Him: I feel it does’nt work between

us anymore

Me: What ??

Him: I don’t know, it does’nt work

Me: Have you tried to disconnect and

restore electricity?

Him:

The average woman would rather have beuaty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

A wise doctor said: "the best man's medicine is love". A man asked him: "and what if it doesn't work?" the doctor replied: "than you should increase the dosage"

If you love two men at the same time, after the second man, that if you were really in love with the first man, you were not falling for another

A feminine car

Let's see you guys answering this question: to whom this car belongs, to a woman or a man?

21 Funny quotes about life situations

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he's too old for it.

You're not too old when all your friends start to get married. You're too old when all your friends start to get a divorce.

Mirrors don't lie. And lucky for some, they don't laugh either.

My boss came into the office just as I was in Linkedin, lucky I could move quickly to porn.

Dance like no one is watching, because they're not, they're too busy checking their phones!

Some days I feel like a million dollars... some days I feel like a food stamp.

I hate waiting for people who are late, that's why I show up late, just in case.

The eggplants of the woman before me in the cash line spread out and the cashier weighed  them separately.
Me (to the cashier): do me a favor, check that the pine nuts bag is sealed tightly!

Sometimes the best way to stay out of troubles is to take a nap.

Sport is like sex: if you're not doing it you probably watching it.

- Hunny, how do you call that thing you said I'm missing?
- Vocabulary.

- What is special about our cafe is that people feel at home in it.
- Lovely. Can I see the menu?
- No.There isn't. Go to the kitchen and eat pasta from yesterday over the sink.

Why is it call beauty sleep when you wake up looking like a troll?

BC - before christ
BK - before kid

Catwoman and Wonderwoman called superheroes, because what woman is able to hang out with the same clothes all the time?

Growing up is sucks because you understand that 100$ is not much money.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

When we look for something, we find it always in the last place that we searched. So why not start there?

It's ok if you don't like me. Not everyone has a good taste.