Smile will save the day: funny

Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Jokes about animals

The farmer, the rooster and the chicken coop
One farmer has several dozen chickens in the coop & one rooster that serves them faithfully. One day the farmer decided that the rooster is old and it is time to purchase a young rooster to be helpful. The farmer went to the market and bought a young colorful, handsome cock with an impressive crest, and brought it home to the henhouse. The next morning, the young rooster looks around and turns to the adult rooster saying arrogantly: "Listen, old cock, I see around thirty - forty chickens in total and I have no problem to server even double that number, then sit down, your time passed". "Rather than fight, Let's split fifty-fifty and everything will come back safely," said the adult rooster. "No way, there's no one like me, your job is finished" the young rooster replied even more arrogantly. "If you want it that way, all or nothing, so let's race around the henhouse, and who comes first wins" offers the old chicken. "Fine," replies the young arrogant. one of the chickens given the start signal and both roosters stood on the starting line. Than the old rooster turns to the young and said: "Listen, you're young and your feet are strong and you have no problem to beat me easily, maybe you would let me start some ten to fifteen feet foreword, so the competition will be a bit more sportive, I guess you will not have a big problem with it." "O.k, I agree, but let's start already" the young rooster answeres. At the given signal they began to run. And just at that moment in the morning the farmer decided to go hunting. When he turns to the henhouse what he sees? The old rooster ran like a madman, waving his wings and screamed in his throat, followed by a young cock trying and almost manages to achieve. The farmer raises his rifle and shoots the young rooster and killed it. "yoptvayomat" (he cursed in Russian) "It's the fifth chicken I buy and everyone was gay".

The dog and the tiger

A rich man went on a safari in Africa with his dachshund dog. One day the dog was lost. Suddenly the dog saw a tiger going to devour him. the dog thinks quickly what to do. Than he saw two bones on the ground. He sat next to them with his back to the tiger and said: "It was really tasty tiger, I wonder if there's more delicious tigers around..." The tiger heard the dog, stopped at the last second with scare in his eyes. "Wow, it was really close ... that dog almost ate me...." the tiger said, turned and walked away crawling. In the tree above see this all the monkey. He decided it was a good opportunity for him to catch a good relationship with the tiger. He chased the tiger and told him how the dog made fun of him. Tiger got nervous and told the monkey to sit on his back, to come with him and see how he nakes the dog meat balls ... Dog, have not had time to relax, see the tiger suddenly repeats with the monkey on his back, sat with his back against his attackers, and a second before they reached him he said: "Where's that darn monkey? Half an hour ago I asked him to bring me another leopard" .. ..

species disappearing
Whale swims near his companion and says: "Dozens of ecological organizations, hundreds of activists, thousands of politicians and scientists, hundreds of thousands of people at demonstrations, Governments and parliaments around the world, all of them are doing everything they can to prevent our species extinction - And you come and tell me that you just have a headache?

Wanted: A PC technician

The lion's wedding
Lion king celebrated his wedding with all the animals of the forest. Among the guests a mouse hang around shouting all the time and wished the lion: "Good luck bro! All the best!" When the lion heard the mouse he calls him "brother" He grabbed him and asked him angrily: "Who are you ... How could I, the lion king, be your brother? - you're just a mouse ..." The mouse replied: "Relax man, I was a lion too before I got married ..."

A poisonous snake
One snake asks his friend the snake: "Say, r we poisonous?" His friend replies: "I don't know, why?"
Snake says: "For the moment I bit my tongue"

Comet- The Amazing Goldfish

Comet is a goldfish that can limbo, play football and do the slalom.
He has thrashed the long-held belief that the species is not too bright. Two-year-old Comet has been taught an impressive array of skills by its owner who rewards him with some food every time he successfully completes a task. Los Angeles-based Dr Dean Pomerleau, 41, used a technique called positive reinforcement which is also used to train dolphins and other marine mammals. Dr Pomerleau is also the world record-holder for owning a fish with the largest repertoire of tricks, which unsurprisingly is named Albert Einstein. However, Comet could be about to usurp him, to take the crown of the world's most intelligent goldfish.

Watch Comet on the video:

10 Personality disorders at the office

1. The Chatterbox- The one who you're afraid to meet in the hallway. She is raping you to listen to every minor and marginal detail in her dull life, don't know to separate the chaff, and to her, all is important. Carries a long tedious monologues and not interested in response.

2. The Gossipmonger- Using other people's personal information as a weapon to promote himself. All day stirring a cauldron. Usually starts a conversation in "Just wanted to let you know." Tends to disguise his gossip as a concern: "I heard recently that Jane and her husband think about divorce. She seems so sad and it influence badly her performance. How can we help her, I'm very worried. "

3. The Sloth- Usually you'll find him searching the office without a goal, an emotionless facial expression and a package of blank pages in his hands. He does nothing but worry about being present at each staff meeting. He cares to look busy but if you approach him, he will always claim he has no time.

4. The Cheerleader - This girl has a weariless accumulation of energy. She's rattling herself around every second. All day telling herself and others about how she dedicated to her work and has no second to breathe. Identify her by the fake laughter heard for miles.

5. The Emotional - The emotional lives in constant fear of dismissal. Always think that nobody sees or appreciates her work. May cry uncontrollably at any given moment.

6. The Geek - He never sees sunlight. Usually lives in the basement of his parent's house reading and playing computer games. His only experience with women is Lara Croft. If you come to him with minimal problems like missing a toolbar, you get a four-hour lecture on information security. Playing every day on PS3 despite he was recently passed the age of fifteen. Comes to the office with a cup that says "There's nothing like mom." His house is full of computer parts scattered that he enjoys to dismantle and assemble again and again. Comes to the office in the morning with dark circles around his eyes because he spends his nights role-playing quests as heroes or Might & Magic .

7. The Foreigner Janitor - He is always from an exotic land. Although he immigrated two decades ago, he doesn't know a word in English (or at least that's what he says). You will find him lurking near the toilet all day cursing in his heart passersbys that destroyed the polish he made. Makes you angry glances every time you report that the soap runs out there.

8. The Girly Boy - Usually he's the only man that works in the human resources department together with twenty other girls. Usually you will find a flock of girls gathered around him and giggle. He replaces with them recipes in the work breaks. He drinks only diet and knows the difference between the Bazooka pink Fuchsia pink. Usually you will hear him gossip and say things like: "OMG did you see how Dana the bookkeeper gained at least ten pounds." He watches all the episodes of desperate housewives. He likes romantic comedies and wants to be Kylie Jenner's bff.

9. The Psychosomatic - Comes to the office in the morning and instead of saying good morning, opening the day with "my head hurts," which is to say during the day about 500 times an average. If you tell her to take a pill she'll say "No, no, I don't believe in pills." She is raping people to be empathic to her situation: "Wow! It was so hard for me to finish the presentation, I had eye sockets pressure, sinus and I started a little cough, but still managed by a human!". When she enters a doctor's appointment to complain about the fund feel unexplained throat and a beauty spot suspicious, the doctor sees on a computer that she was there two hundred times this month. Period is only five days a month, but you'll hear her complains about it all month. When she enters your room and begins to complain about her hurting back and, you secretly wish her in your heart to spend one day in an Egyptian prison and see what is pain.

10. The flatterer- He is always sucking up to bosses. He is the first to compliment them on a haircut or new clothes, he always agree with them, listening to them and laugh to tears for every old board joke they tell. You never know how he does it, how he became their best friend, and most frightens you is that he goes with them to have lunch, while you are eating alone or with junior members.

Joy Germ Day- January 8

We usually stay away from germs. No one wants to catch a disease, easy or difficult one.

But on January 8 there is a bacterium that has to breed and catch them all. This is the germ of joy.

The germ of joy is a small bacterium that starts smiling at people's faces, continues to laugh and spreads wherever you go. Imagine a day when everyone smiles and laughs. January 8 is the day.

If you want to participate in the joy germ day, put the sadness, anger and cynicism aside, go out into the world, smile and spread the joy around you. You don't need a special reason to be happy, be happy that you alive and pass the joy on, because it's contagious.

Use Your Common Sense Day- 4 November

Every day we encounter a case of non-use of common sense that caused catastrophe and unpleasantness to the people involved. For example, a person who died a few years ago receives a telephone bill, or an elevator sign that reads: "The blind have a voice-mail system."
Sometimes the mistakes happens as a result of lack of attention and sometimes because someone refuses to think ahead. One of the reasons for the failure to use common sense is pride. People sometimes feel an excess of self-importance that they think they can overcome the laws of physics and errors that result from this can lead to disaster. Sometimes it is simply a lack of thought that makes doing something stupid. Sometimes the reason is emotional - because we want something that we know is not good, we rationalize, that is, looking for reasons to convince ourselves that it is good and making the mistake. Sometimes the reason is simple ... stupidity.

The origin of Common Sense Day

The day of common sense was created by Bud Bilanich, a famous career coach who focuses on being a "common sense guy". He has appeared on some of the most prominent television programs in the US, magazine articles and wrote 19 books on how to succeed in life and how using common sense is absolutely essential to success.

Common sense is an ancient concept that the first to study was Socrates and Aristotle, in ancient Athens. Socrates would ask passers-by in the streets about the nature of the world, to discover what the good, the beautiful, the material and the person. His assumption was that people's common sense would provide the right answers to these questions.

Aristotle argued that common sense is a built-in sense, a kind of superintendent of the five physical senses (sight, hearing, smell, touch, and touch) that is responsible for drawing conclusions about the brain's stimuli about a substance.

How to celebrate the day of common sense?

On the day of common sense, you can read books or watch movies on the subject to learn what causes mistakes in the use of common sense and how to overcome the failures.

Try to remember when you have made mistakes that have caused serious consequences and how you could have avoided them (do not get into depression, it's a human error, but learning from mistakes is phenomenal).

Do not forget to start practicing thinking rationally before you do something and not be reckless and reckless.

Here are some funny examples of the results of acts done without thought and without the use of common sense:

Funny pillows

This is a donut? ... No, this is a pillow! I think tonight I'm going to eat my pillow. Don't be surprised if you don't find your pillow in the morning if that's how it looks:

Donut Pillow- Link

Girlfriend pillow, if you're lonely and need someone to hug...

Girlfriend pillow- Link

Another pillow you might eat is the chicken pillow. If you love grilled chicken's legs you can put them on your sofa.

Chicken leg pillow- Link

If you love to eat meat, you will like something that gives you excuses and backs you up like the "Protesting Vegans"- pillows of Vegetables protest signs Against Vegans.